425 DAYS

1 year, 1 month, 29 days. 425 days.

March 5, 2020 was the day when case 0 in Alberta was found. COVID-19. The pandemic. What is happening in the world?

I was 26 years old when the pandemic started, I'm turning 28 in 2 months.

It's been a year since the first lockdown. Looking at these numbers, it feels like wasted time. No goals, no plans, waiting for the world to either end or get better.

There was a time, not long ago. I went through a phase of depression. I was very isolated, barely texted or talked to anyone, locked myself in a room. I did not know what do. I was working and job hunting. I emotionally ate and I starved myself. One day I was very chatty and active and on the another I was very quiet with no energy.

I felt I needed change but there was nothing I could do. I considered booking a ticket to Ontario but then they went on full lockdown. There was nowhere for me to go. There was nothing for me to do besides my ridiculous boring daily routine.

I felt like every day was the same as yesterday same as the day before. I felt my time is being wasted. I turn from 26 to 28 with no visible accomplishments. My twenties are slipping away through fingers and there's nothing I can do about it.

One day, I realised I am not the same person I was on March 5, 2020. I am no longer the naïve 26-year-old. I am no longer the girl who cannot say no and unable to stand up for herself. I am no longer the girl who is too shy to claim what is her right. I am much stronger and louder.

I may have not fully utilized that 1 year. I may be getting close to 30 while not enjoying my 20s in full. Having said that, I can tell that I have grown so much. I am stronger, more determined. I am still scared of confrontation -not sure if that will ever change- and most importantly, I've learned to take care of me. I've learned boundaries when I had none. I've learned who to let into my life and who to keep out if the relationship is exhausting and unhealthy.

You maybe thinking this lockdown will never end. You maybe thinking that things will never go back to normal. The truth is, things will never go back the way they used to be. If they do, then we've never learned anything from this pandemic, no growth or self-development. Only then, will you have wasted a year of your life. It's easy to blame the pandemic but it can be hard to admit that we're partly at fault.

Sandra Sobhy May 3, 2021