I Wonder...

In 2005, when I was in grade 6, I watched the first Harry Potter movie in theaters with two of my friends from school. It was Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. I fell in love with the franchise immediately. Long story short, I got all the books until the most recent released book which at the time was The Order of The Phoenix. I read them all anxiously wanting to know what happens next! Is Voldemort going to die? Is Harry going to die? Will Harry and Hermione end up together? Is the trio always going to be friends?

I got The Half Blood Prince which was released in the same year. Thus far, it had always seemed that Harry is winning but I wanted to know the ending. Rumors started to roam around. Harry Potter is going to die at the end of the 7th book. Others were denying this rumor (note, the book was not out yet lol). No way JK Rowling will let Harry die after all of what he's been through. I needed to know what the ending will look like. In 2007, the book was released in the UK and North America. I was able to get a hold of a copy before it was released in Egypt. One day, my dad came home with the book, I was asleep, I woke up, took the book and quickly turned to the last page that read "The scar had not pained Harry for nineteen years. All was well." Harry Potter lives! I went back to sleep happily. I knew the ending of the story. I knew how the story would end.

As many teenagers, there was a point in my life when I was obsessed with the Twilight Saga. Again, I needed to know if eventually Bella would turn into a vampire or choose to remain human. I had to know. When I got a copy of "Breaking Dawn", I skimmed through it. Bella turns into a vampire and gives birth to a baby girl! WHAT!

It has become a thing for me where uncertainty and not knowing drives me crazy and sometimes brings me anxiety. Big changes and decisions have always frightened me. I have always loved for things to remain the way they are or at least go in the direction I want them to go. I plan and I plan and I plan. I make really long to-do lists. I set goals and charts. I expect things to go in a straight line with no deviation. Not only that, but I always want to skip to the last page of my book and know the ending or be able to skim through it and get a glimpse of what my life will look like three books later.

I thought moving to Canada had helped my get past that. But I was wrong. The older I got, the more uncertainty and not knowing scared me. However, 2020 taught me a lot of things. Surprisingly, 2019 taught me even more. In 2019, I have learned to trust God in all circumstances. Pray about whatever is worrying me or scaring me. Ask Him and He will tell you...in so many different ways...you just need to listen. In Sunday School we heard this when we were kids and we teach it to our kids today. God will answer you, just make sure you're listening.. But how often do we apply it? Do we really hear the answer? Or do we just not pay attention?

2020, COVID, lockdown, the toilet paper fiasco. The level of anxiety . When is this going to end? How is life going to be until we get the vaccine? How is life going to be after the vaccine? Is this really the end of the world? Is God really punishing us? When is life going to be normal again? When are we going to be able to go to church without booking a spot? when are we going back to in-office work instead of talking to each other from behind screens? When are kids going back to school? When? when? when?

"What will the future be?....I wonder". Unfortunately, as it turns out, you cannot skip to the last chapter of your life to find out the ending. You cannot skim through the book to see how your life will turn out to be.

The whole point is, We...Will...Never...Know. God has a plan (we all know that). Trust Him. Communicate with Him. Tell Him your concerns and He will definitely guide you. You just have to ask.

Through any difficult time, connect with your family, connect with your friends, have virtual coffee dates with your friends if you can't go out. Spend some time to take care of YOU and your mental health. It is not meant to be easy but it also shouldn't be this difficult.

Sandra Sobhy

November 29, 2020

Harry Potter photo by [Warner Bros]. Breaking Dawn photo by [Photograph by

Doane Gregory – © 2011 Summit Entertainment, LLC.]