Our Friends

Back When I was in junior high (or middle school for my American friends), I had a big group of friends. We were 14 very close friends. Some were closer than others but we did everything together. From hanging out during lunch at school, playing activities together to travelling together.

“Your friends now will not be the same friends when you grow up” was a sentence we were told by adults all the time. We refused to believe it. We truly had faith in our strong friendship. We truly believed our bond was so strong that noting will break it. A few years later, one of the 14 cut ties with our group. She felt left out and underappreciated. We were no longer her friends. Around the same time, a year or two later, in our final year of high school, one of our friends moved to ON, Canada with her family. Our group of friends lost one the most social, popular girls. What’s app was not as functional as it is now. We had Facebook messenger, so we all tried to stay in touch with her. Was it easy? It was not. 4 months later, I moved to AB, Canada with my family. The group has become 11. What’s app started developing to look like the way it does today. We created a what’s app group so all of us can stay in touch together. We thought nothing could separate us even if we're miles apart.

Days and months pass, we start to lose communication. Each and every person was enrolled in a different university, they met new people, I was struggling in Canada so was my other now-Canadian friend. No one knew what we were going through except us. It was a major change. 4-5 years later, everyone graduated, some found full-time jobs, some got engaged then got married. Each one of us found their way. Each one of us had established a life of their own.

Today, out of that group, I talk to two girls on a daily basis, 3 girls every once in a while- while I know nothing about the rest. I lost complete contact. I have to admit, I was extremely upset, especially when I did not have my now-friends here-in Canada. I thought I could still be friends with everyone long distance. But I was wrong. We sometime want to hold on to our old friendships- our childhood friendships.

I have come to learn that Friendships change because we change. We grow up, our priorities change, our values and principles change. Our circle of friends changes.

I have learned the true meaning of friendship in the last few years.

Friendship is when you are there for your friend when they need you and when you don’t. Friendship is sticking by your friend’s side in the happy moments and the sad moments. Friendship is sticking to your friend no matter what the circumstances bring upon you. Friendship is sharing and respecting each other's values and principles.

We grow up, we go our separate ways, we immigrate, we work in different fields. We make new friendships. We try to keep our old friendships intact whether it is via group messaging, going out for special events, as if we are tying to prove to ourselves that nothing has changed. In fact, everything has changed. My childhood circle of friends has shrunk from 13 to 3. My current friends are too few that they can be counted on fingers. The more we grow up the more we realize we only need a few friendships. Unlike when we were young, we loved big groups to hang out with, to go on trips with, to get loud with. We sometimes want to hold on to our old friendships- our childhood friendships. We still try to be involved even if we’re miles apart physically or mentally. We still try to plan gatherings for special events, celebrate birthdays. It is like we want to convince ourselves that we can do this. We can prove everyone who told us that that group would never last, that friendship would never be the same as we thought it would be, wrong. We think we do it out of love but in reality, we do it out of obligation because we don’t want to lose one other. We don't want to lose one another. We forget that we grew up. We forget that we matured. We forget that our priorities have changed. We forget that we changed, and our old friends have changed too.

As we grow up, we learn the true meaning of friendships, the true meaning of friends. We learn to surround ourselves with people we can rely on, who can rely on us.

True Friends are those who support you always. True Friends are trustworthy. True Friends are those who try to understand you. If they don’t understand you, they are there for you regardless.

True Friends are those who help put you together when you are scattered. True Friends are those who are happy for your success. True Friends always cheer for you. True Friends are those who are joyous for your joy. True Friends are those who are sad for your sadness. True friends will never put you down but rather help you push yourself up. True friends will never try to outdo you or compete with you when you are sharing your ups and downs. True friends will never take advantage of your vulnerability. True Friends will never manipulate you or take advantage of you. True Friends will push you when you need to be pushed. True Friends will always stick by your side no matter what. True Friends will never ever shame you or be ashamed of you.

It is not important how many “friends” you have. What is important is how many True Friends you have. It is not important that you are surrounded by 5, 10, 20 people. It is important that you have at least 1 True Friend you can count on.

“A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” Proverbs 18:24

“A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.” Proverbs 17:17

Sandra Sobhy

Jan 22, 2021