You Are Fearfully And Wonderfully Made: Curly Hair

“Your hair is out of control”

“Your hair looks like a broom”

“Your hair looks like a loofa”

“Your hair looks like an old piece of rag”

“Do you not have a comb or a brush at home to fix your hair?”

“Why don’t you just brush your hair?”

“Your hair looks like a lion’s mane”

“You had beautiful hair when you were a child. What happened?”

“Put olive oil on it”

“No, you can’t leave your hair down. It is not soft nor straight. Put it in a ponytail or a braid…just do something to tame it”

“You should spend some time to take care of your hair”

“Your hair looks much better straight. You should straighten it more often”

Personally, As an Egyptian-curly-headed girl, I have heard all of those comments throughout my childhood, infinitely during my teenage years and as an adult, I still do.

There is a stigma that straight hair is the best kind of hair. Curly-headed girls spend fortunes investing in hair tools and hair products to match up to at least having “decent hair” and “acceptable hair”. Other girls would go to the hair salon on a weekly basis to get their hair straightened or have it put in a nice hairdo. The goal is: to make her hair look less messy, less bushy, under control, not frizzy and silky. Society has made us believe that straight hair is a standard beauty sign. Any other type of hair needs to be worked on. Girls go through so much hair tools, wigs, weaves, hair extensions…etc to match up to what is acceptable and by what our society dictates. The very high beauty standards that our society dictates

As a child, I remember knowing that my hair was one of my not best features. In fact, I hated it. I was so jealous of a girl in my class in pre-school who had straight soft long dark black hair. She always had it down. I couldn’t do the same with my hair. Why? Because my hair was thick and bushy. It needed to be put together. To be put under control. It will look messy if I leave it down. I loved special events because only then I was allowed to get my hair done and leave it down. No buns. No braids. No ponytails.

As a teenager in junior high, I remember having my hair in braids or messy ponytails smothered in lots and lots of hair cream and hair serum to tame it. One of my close friends had the same struggles. But it felt like it was just the two of us struggling. Our friends in school either had nice soft hair or knew how to handle their curly hair. Us on the other hand, had it always up.

As a teenager in high school, I started discovering that if I put my hair in a bun when wet and sleep with it, my hair will come out wavy. Sometimes it was so nice I let it down. I would put a little pin or something (school rules) but it was not in a braid!

However, it was never nice enough to go out with my friends with it, to go to church with it. The funny thing is, My close friend also had the same issues as I did…still!. We had to make peace with the fact that we would always have messy hair unless we straighten it.

One day when I was in high school my mom got an electric straightener. They were still new at the time (in Egypt at least) so I started to teach myself how to use it. It killed me that it took so much time, but I was happy with the results. It was not as soft as the hairdresser would do it for me, but it was straight enough to just leave it down, it was tamed and less bushy. It was good enough to not be commented on negatively.

Fast forward a few years later, I’m in my early 20s, still struggling with my hair. Still have no idea what to do with it. I am fully aware that I have curly hair and I detest it. I straighten it every week. If it is not straight, it is half up half down. If it is not half up half down it is in a French braid or worse…a bun. I started seeing people with defined curls and nice hair. I learned that your hair can be damaged from all the heat. My hair WAS damaged because of all the heat. I did not know who to turn to learn how to take care of my curly hair. I asked some friends who referred me to some curly creams, curly mouse, curly gel,…etc. I tried them all but was still frustrated. My hair still does not look good enough. Still receiving negative comments. Still straightening it once a week. One birthday, I even received a blow dryer with a brush as a gift to save me time straightening it. In all honesty, I took advantage of it.

Fast forward again to March 2020, my friend takes advantage of lockdown and learns about her curly hair and curly hair routine. There’s routine for curly hair too?! She discovered a ton of products, tips and tricks. Things to look for in hair shampoo and conditioner for curly hair. She shared her insights and discoveries with me, and my mind was blown. Tons and tons of pages were created on Instagram to bring awareness on how to take care of your curly hair, the methods, the techniques (I had recently tried finger-coiling...wow!), the products and let me tell you boys and girls; my first thought was: it is so much easier to just straighten your hair.

There is so much to learn and so much to discover and most importantly, you will need patience.

Patience is extremely important when it comes to your hair because it will take a while to train your curls to curl. Trust me when I tell you-curly hair has a mind of its own. You can do the exact same routine with the exact same amount of cream and gel, but your hair will still look different every time. One time I got really frustrated with it an hour after I washed it that I washed it again and straightened it. I knew it was not good for your hair…but I did it anyway. I am still learning to be patient with it. I am still learning what to do with it when it is not in the best shape.

As it turns out, curly hair is not as bad as I thought it was for the past 27 years. You can do so much with it and it will still look amazing on you. You know why? Because that is how God created you. God created you with curly hair and He saw it was good. Sometimes society tricks us into wanting to change things about ourselves. Comments from people -who we call our loved ones- push us to change things about ourselves. Here is what you do, shut out all the negative comments and ignore them. Only accept constructive criticism.

My friend has not used a straightener in 6 months! She kept her hair curly for an engagement party and for a wedding and she rocked it both times!!

Today, as I am writing this, I am still struggling to accept my curly hair. I am still learning to embrace my curly hair. I am still learning that my curly hair is neither out of control nor needs to be tamed. I have gotten better at styling it and I get extremely thrilled when I have a good hair day. However, I still have not let go of my straightener yet. I still straighten my hair for special occasions, to work interviews or because I just miss the feeling of having straight non-curly hair.

Did I stop receiving negative comments about my hair? No. I still get them. Do they still affect me? No. Do they still get to me? Also No. I sometimes even respond. “This is my natural hair.” “This is curly hair. You cannot brush it. But you would not know you have straight hair” “I am just having a bad hair day but that is okay".

It is my hair. It is how God created me. It is how it should be. We should not let society or others dictate how we should look like as long as we’re comfortable in how we look. Damaging your hair with heat, perms, products is not the answer.

That collage is pictures of my curly haired sister, close friends and myself. We all struggle with our curly hair but we also teach each other to embrace it #curlyhairsquad (we don't call ourselves that I just made it up).

Not many will be able to relate to this post. But I want you to take "curly hair" and replace it with an insecurity you have. I want you to remember: God created us in His likeness and His image. It is difficult to accept that sometimes and it’s okay.

But remember: “You are fearfully and wonderfully made” Psalm 139:14.

You are beautiful always ❤️

Sandra Sobhy

December 18, 2020